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Updated: Nov 12, 2023


Greetings and Blessings,

Have you ever found yourself in an unwanted cycle and ask how did I get here? It was because you made a choice, however you went back and forth on your decision and ended up in the same cycle. Don’t be hard on yourself, we’ve all been there.

So, what are cycles? Cycles can be patterns of events that develop and recur due to the choices we make. There are also cycles that happen in a specific and repetitive order. For example, the changing of the seasons, spring, summer, fall, and winter are cycles that regularly repeat in the same order.

Cycles consist of unhealthy relationships with partners, parents and even friends. Cycles make you feel like you’re on a merry go round, reliving the same patterns over & over. They can also be addictions that continue to plague you and those that care deeply for you. Cycles don’t just affect you; they also affect your children. What kind of legacy are you going to leave for them? Behavior is learned and habits are formed from the behavior therefore If they see unhealthy cycles, they will repeat them. Ending cycles may be the toughest decision you’ll ever make; however, it just might be the one thing that saves your family from continuous heart break & broken promises.

How Did I Get Into This Cycle?

I’ll start with two reasons I believe we end up in cycles: [love & fear]. I often tell my clients that are caught in unhealthy cycles that “Love is not a faucet you can’t turn it on and off”. Loving someone, but not loving the way they treat you can send you for a loop. The battle between your emotions wanting to give them another chance and your decision to leave can be confusing. As a Life Coach it breaks my heart to see clients stay in relationships where they are disrespected & abused because

they don’t know how to let go. We get into cycles because we love hard, and we try to do all we can to save the relationship. Anytime you can’t shake something or someone that’s causing you harm, pain, and taking years off your life, it’s a serious cycle.

The second thing that can hold us hostage to cycles is fear. Fear can play a part because we don’t know what life will look like without that person in it. Oftentimes this person has been around a very long time, and we don’t want to start over or find a replacement. We say time will tell, if this is the case, how many times have they showed you the same behaviors? We get into cycles because we’re not getting the lessons, instead we are just repeating a broken system that fails every time. There are many reasons why we get into cycles, however we have the power to choose how we want our lives to evolve.

How Do I End Cycles?

I believe the key to ending cycles is to get the lesson. Ask yourself what have I learned from this experience and how do I want to use this knowledge to empower myself?

Ten Ways To End Cycles:

  1. First and foremost, I encourage you to choose “YOU” and your well-being.

  2. Give yourself permission to deserve better.

  3. Ask yourself, is this helping or hurting me and my family? [Now choose one]

  4. If something or someone is not adding to your life, they are not worth being in your life.

  5. Get help from a coach, family member, counselor or pastor that will support your decision and hold you accountable. This will help you avoid vacillating.

  6. Journal your experiences so that you can reflect and remember why you ended the cycle.

  7. Whenever you’re feeling like going back into an unhealthy cycle read your journal.

  8. Create a new habit that will replace the desire to return.

  9. Try meditating, exercising, or socializing with family and friends.

  10. Work on your self-esteem by incorporating affirmations, prayer, and people that breathe life into you.

Ask Yourself The Tough Questions:

  • Why am I going back to this? Is it [fear, love, low self-esteem, loneliness,] ?

  • What will I gain or lose if I go back?

  • What price will my children pay if I return?

  • Is going back worth my health & mental well-being?

Let me know if this blessed you and share your prayer request if you so desire. Remember to view my Blog Style page on my website and you can see the full Blog on all my posts.

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